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The Givers & The Takers, by Cris Evatt, Bruce Feld
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ARE YOU MORE OF A GIVER OR MORE OF A TAKER? Do you have an unbalanced relationship with your lover, kids, friends or coworkers? Oddly, people who give excessively often believe they give far less than they do. Why? Because giving is so easy for them. Likewise people who give far little believe they give more because giving is such a chore. Both types are manipulative. Learn 30 Giver-Taker traits in this provocative book. Spot the two personality types more easily. By reading THE GIVERS AND THE TAKERS, you will find out how to become vastly more assertive and less codependent. You will quit enabling Takers to take advantage of you and confuse you by calling you selfish. This book is clear, quirky, powerful and life-changing. It is a text to be read and reread, studied and debated, but mostly incorporated into your relationships.
- Sales Rank: #399702 in Books
- Brand: Brand: Papaya Press
- Published on: 2008-04-22
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.50" h x .30" w x 5.50" l, .35 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 120 pages
- Used Book in Good Condition
Review
"Superbly crafted and astonishingly powerful. A wonderful guide that presents a clear description of Givers and Takers as polar opposites. A transforming book!" --Arthur Brownstein, M.D., author of Extraordinary Healing
"Extraordinary insights about giving and taking!" --Barbara Stanny, author of Secrets of Six Figure Woman
From the Publisher
The Papaya Edition is a revised and abridged edition of "The Givers and The Takers," formerly published by Macmillan in hardback and Fawcett in paperback. The authors received many requests for their book, so are bringing it back to the public. Papaya Press plans to publish Evatt’s book, "Byron Katie’s How to Stop Arguing with Reality" in the Winter of 2002. Look for it on Amazon.com.
From the Author
One morning, while I was making toast, a loud inner voice yelled at me, "There are two kinds of people in the world—Givers and Takers. And you’re a heavy Giver who is sexually attracted to heavy Takers." I was stunned by the voice’s message. At the time, I was taking a two-year relationship break, after six failed unions and puddles of tears.
Next, the Voice said, "Quick, get a pen and some large index cards…draw a vertical line down the center of thirty cards…make two columns. Now, write ‘Takers’ at the top of the left hand columns and ‘Givers’ at the top of the right columns. Each card is for a behavior. Write one behavior at the top of each card." I wrote apologizing, breaking up, changing people, communication, control, feelings, friendships, giving orders, intimidation, jealousy, love addiction, pleasing, posture, sex appeal, trusting, careers, and so on.
For a month, the Voice and I filled out the cards which defined the quirky behaviors of the Givers and Takers. After that, I never saw people or myself the same. I dropped my heavy Giver ways and became a balanced woman.
In Chapter Two, I describe the thirty Giver-Taker traits that were revealed to me by the Voice. If you study them, you will be able to identify a Giver or a Taker from across the street. Really!
Most helpful customer reviews
11 of 13 people found the following review helpful.
Interesting concept but lacks substance
By B. L. Parks
The classifications of "givers" and "takers" is an interesting concept. The author's 30 questions for identifying giver or taker traits in yourself or others were good. However, once we have that information about ourselves, the follow-up chapters failed to deliver, in my opinion. There is no real substance for helping you to deal with or change your situation. There were also several pages of filler material, in what is already a small book, that had nothing to do with givers or takers. The sections about couples looking like brother and sister and about similarity in names were *interesting,* but what about it? Were they usually successful relationships or failures? Is it something to look *for* or something to *resist* being influenced by? No helpful information at all provided with that. It was just "fun facts." The glossary was, I guess, meant to be humorous; however, it contains pejorative stereotypes that I imagine some readers might not find amusing. This is definitely not a professional book, so if that is what you are looking for, then I suggest you continue your search.
15 of 16 people found the following review helpful.
I Didn't Know I Gave So Much!
By A Customer
I used to give too much to everyone: my teenaged kids, my husband, and my co-workers. I was a pushover for the Takers in my life. This book changed me. Reading it was a "Big Aha!" I now say "no" to others without feeling guilty. I walk different, talk different, and dress different, and I've stopped apologizing so much. Until I read THE GIVERS AND THE TAKERS, I was addicted to pleasing others and didn't know it. I actually thought I was assertive. After reading Evatt's and Feld's 30 Giver Traits, I saw my self-denying pattern clearly. Also, the authors say that "Since Givers expend more energy than they receive, they often eat to make up the loss." That was me, too. This book is not frivolous. It contains an original personality theory that is quite sophisticated.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
Straight Talk
By Phyllis Antebi Ph.D
This is a terrific little book that is exactly as the title suggests. The book defines and describes what is meant by a 'giver', or 'a taker'. Who is the user, read chapter 5, and who is being used? Like a soap opera or a made for T.V. family drama, the scenario can take various shapes. However, these authors make it pretty clear who is what, and why. In chapter 5, we get a look at the sneaky ways takers get what they want. "Giver resentment is easier to spot than taker guilt" (p.106). There is nothing more frustrating than a double bind, for there is no resolution that would please one's partner" (107). The more double binds the more deeply embedded the disparity in power and influence. Heavy resistance is a red flag your partner is a 'taker'. "Givers deny themselves" and wonder why they feel emotionally impoverished. The drama is not about being real it's about playing roles. What do you do when you don't play your role? This book will help you figure out who 'YOU' really are. The chapters begin at the beginning and the book ends with its own questionnaire. Once you familiarize yourself with the easy to learn language of "Giving and Taking," you will be armed to set the drama right. This book is for everyone who is in a relationship that feels out of balance. There are so many examples that hitting the nail on the head, so to speak, should not be too difficult.
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